My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
