Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
