My first STD was from a foam party
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
