I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
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