Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
