I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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