im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
