I got chris browned last night
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
