Sry I called you an 8
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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