when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
