I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
