he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm like, not good at living.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
