If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
