hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
