Where did you get a picture of my penis
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
