k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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