At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
