when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
