drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
