i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
