Is it because I queefed?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
