Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
