hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
