I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
