I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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