She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
soo... how was my night?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
