I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
