i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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