she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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