Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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