i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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