Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
