i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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