we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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