i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
