I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
