i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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