I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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