He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
