You really coming over, don't trick.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
