Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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