What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
