I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
