I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
