is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
