Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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