I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
