Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i love accidental penises.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
