i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
