Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
