Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
