hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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